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Depression after Cheating in a Relationship E-mail

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are feeling depressed and unhappy with their lives. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and I am currently doing brain research in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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Depression can develop after finding our about cheating

It is not uncommon to develop depression after being cheated on in a relationship. Cheating is undoubtedly one of the worst tragedies that can happen in life; you have trusted your spouse fully and then he or she gets romantically involved with someone else behind your back. When you find out about the betrayal the very foundations of your life are being shaken and you are forced to rearrange your view of your own life as well as your position in your spouse's life. This adjustment process is often painful and results in depressed and anxious mood.

If one decides to remain together with one's spouse after cheating has taken place, the recovery process often takes several years. During this period one often feels depressed and experiences mood swings that can complicate one's life and the life of people around one. If one decides to leave the cheating spouse, the recovery process is often more straightforward, however it still takes long time to regain normal level of happiness and get over the painful memories related to the betrayal.

Regardless of whether one decides to stay or leave, cheating has severely wounded one's mind and in order to get over the betrayal these emotional wounds must first heal. In order to speed up the healing process after experiencing infidelity in a relationship, one must understand the nature of emotional wounds and how they differ from physical wounds.

Emotional wounds vs. physical wounds

Emotional wounds are not visible to others, but often they can be even more dangerous than physical wounds. If we break our hand or leg or cut ourselves, we are fully aware of the type of our wounds, we can estimate how long it takes for our wounds to heal and we can concentrate on other things while we wait for the healing process to be completed. It is a whole different story with emotional wounds.

Emotional wounds are just as real as physical wounds. Severe emotional wounds can alter our behavior, in some cases permanently. Our behavior is ultimately regulated by our brain. A depressed person is often behaving in a very different way than a healthy person. Depression is caused by biochemical changes in the brain that ultimately lead to structural changes in the neuronal networks. In this sense, if you get depressed as a result of being emotionally wounded your "wound" is just as real as physical wound; it is damaging the physiological organization and functionality of your system, resulting in decrease in your ability to function in the world.

Untreated emotional wounds can alter personality permanently

There is, however, one crucial difference between physical wounds and emotional wounds. You are not able to observe the state of an emotional wound as effectively as if you are physically wounded, and hence you cannot easily estimate how long it will take for your wound to heal. You can not "forget" emotional wound and concentrate on other things while you wait for the wound to heal. For this reason emotional wounds can be much more dangerous than visible physical wounds. In worst cases emotional wounds can alter the whole life of an individual, as it often happens when one gets severely depressed.

If you suspect you might have become depressed due to problems related to cheating or dishonesty in your relationship, you find more relevant articles that will be helpful for you from here: Depression - General discussion and information. If you would like to read more about the biological basis of depression, you can visit this page: Depression - Science.

 

 

 
Comments (2)
  • Carolyn Schnaible  - Elevated testosterone and depression
    Maybe you can help me understand my husbands infidelity. My husband has been on testosterone replacement therapy for years due to hypogonadism. Over the years our sex life has had periods of none existence and good peaks but at he would stop taking his shots stop the urges then go back on, perk up again. Last March. I found out was cheating, he had in November signed up on 3 heaters websites, had 2 one night stands and began involvment with third online for a month before having sex just once, I caught him four days later. He claims it was all a mistake he loves me, blah, blah, blah. I agreed to try work it out and when being tested for STDs we had the Dr. check his testosterone and my husband had the doctor put him back on Prozac (which had been on 10 years earlier for depression but decided to stop himself). Well his testosterone came back at 2280 nearly five times what it should be for a man his age (400-600). My husband believes that if not for the depression and testosterone issue he would never engaged in those vile and disgusting behaviors. What is your take on the depression ans elevated testosterone. It is my opinion thst it was still a choice, but he says does a sick man make rational choices. You tell me.
  • Jmcbailey  - How do you deal with a "friend" who seems to be pe
    I read the article about depression after your spouse has cheated on you. I don't believe any physical cheating has happened, and I trust my husband in saying he is perfectly happy in our marriage and would never overstep any boundaries. My concern is with this other woman. She'd is the wife of a co-worker of his and we have known them for a few years. I still don't consider her a friend, up to this point an acquaintance, but not for any particular reason other that just not spending time with them outside work gatherings and parties. Within the last two months she has started texting him constantly, and even me sometimes, however I don't usually get to respond much because I am at work. They also started running together for exercise, convenient they live ight diwn the road from us. Theyve been running about 3-4 times a week together while i am at work in thr evening, and some weekends. They do invite me when i am around, bug im four months pregnant and having trouble with my knees. She seems to be making a strong effort suddenly to be my friend, and I noticed his phone constantly going off wit lh texts from her. He has other friends who are females, whom I have become close with, and completely trust that they are just friendships. This however raised a red flag in my mind. She seems to be perusing him, in subtle ways such as texting about running, and races, where to meet next, etc. I also found out that she started reaching out to him via Facebook chat last year. Tho she asked him on occasion how I was doing, she never asked me personally or messages me, just him. It just makes me uncomfortable because in all of these conversations she initiates. Again contex is plutonic, but it makes me uncomfortable. This past few weeks it's been bothering me more and more so I confronted both of them. My husband is hurt because he thinks I'm blowing this out of proportion and is hurt because I show lack of trust in him. He says they just run together for company and they are our friends, and if he felt she was inappropriate at all hd would stop running with her or responding to texts. Again, I believe his on this, but where it really hurts me, is that both of them know it bothers me that they run/text so much, yet they are still going. Both asked me if I wanted them to stop but I feel like that Is the most horrible thing to put on me. Either way I'm dammed, denying people "permission" to do something together will make them resent me. And want to continue more, and it makes me feel like I'm putting limitations on my husband that I don't want to. This all is so confusing, but I'm so hurt by it and I don't know what to do. Being pregnant doesnt help because I emotions, and this is out first child and i want this to be such a special time for us as a family, and I have this weighing me down. Instead of wanting to e closer to my husband I just want to draw away but I don't want to punish him for something he didn't do. I'm so lost. All I want is for her to be out of our lives, even tho I know this is something we new o get through. This article spoke to me because I'm feeling very depressed lately and don't want anything to affect the baby. I'm not sleeping because my mind races, I have no appetite, and I'm constantly down. What do I do?
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